Published in The Siskiyou, March 13, 2006

I didn’t know Nick Hanson. The first I heard of his death was when I passed by a Mail Tribune vending machine, which stated on its front page something to the effect of “Police not responsible for SOU student’s death.” I thought this was a strange way to announce a death to the community, and hoped that it was a follow-up to an article with a less politically-charged title.

I’m not going to make many statements regarding the interaction between Nick and the police. I think it was unfortunate that he was tased since it seems that 3 officers should be able to effectively restrain one individual, but I was not there at the scene, and wouldn’t for the life of me wish to fill any officer’s shoes. More unfortunate is the fact that Ashland hospital does not take trauma patients. I wonder how many lives have been lost because of this fact. It seems that tasing cannot expedite a person’s death, but time obviously can. Nick would have died whether or not he had been tased, but he might have been saved if he had been able to be treated in his own town.

In my opinion, what is most tragic here are not the circumstances which followed his suicide, but the suicide itself. When I think about his death, this is what I focus on. What was going through his mind when he decided to take his own life? What were the circumstances around his day to day existence? Not knowing Nick at all, I have no answers to these questions, but I nevertheless feel that it is a part of myself which has died. He is one part of a collective community where each individual has at one time or another questioned the need for his or her existence. As a community we generally get through such dark times, but every once and awhile one of us slips through the cracks and we are not able to catch him before the sun rises on a better day.

Suicide is often a taboo issue and one where people sometimes think that the individual is acting out of selfishness, but I don’t think this is true. When we are in constant pain, whether emotional or physical, it is natural for us to want to stop that pain. When we feel ourselves a burden to others, it is natural for us to want to take that burden off of those we love. When we feel that we are falling ever deeper into a pit which we cannot climb out of, it is natural to have days where we just don’t want to try anymore. I could very well be wrong, but I feel that any human being would be lying if he or she has never thought for even a fleeting instant that life is not worth living.

I think sometimes the most selfish thing we can do is to lean on those we love and burden them with our problems so that we can get through another day. Such selfishness is of course needed for human existence. The best way we can honor Nick is to see ourselves in him and to step through each dark time into the light just ahead, experiencing the wonders of life on his behalf. 

Copyright © 2006 Shannon Luders-Manuel